Mothers have existed for hundreds of years I’m sure. Motherhood is a long tradition passed down from one generation to the next and it’s truly amazing just how many wonderful women volunteer for such a position.
Those brave human beings accept injection of human duplication serum into their baby maker hole, which I’m sure, like any invasive surgery, can’t be that fun. Then they allow germination of a human seedling to take root in their baby incubation cavity, allow it to grow up to almost 10 pounds in a span of 270 days, and then let it rip out of the same baby maker hole. But where any normal rational creature would say “that’s enough, I’ve done my duty to my race,” mothers instead then proceed to bring this ex-parasite to their home and let it eat all their food, defecate it out anywhere the leech pleases, and then grow up to be rude, unappreciative humans that wants nothing more than to leave the symbiotic relationship that they themselves created.
To those courageous wonderful volunteers to the continuation of the human race, I give you the “your mother” tribute, and I invite everyone to please join in this homage to the greatest people in our race.
This is how the “your mother” tribute works:
1. Make sure that you are attentive to everything that people are saying, whether it is directed towards you or not. This is highly important, without this crucial step, there is no opportunity for the tribute.
2. In any random way that you please, whether an adjective, a noun, or a verb, inject or replace a word in a comment someone just made with “your mother,” and gently remind that person of that wonderful creature in their lives:
“Your mother is nice weather today.”
“Your mother can’t believe that he just cut you off on the road.”
“Your mother wants to get something to eat.”
“Your mother isn’t doing so well in this economy.”
Don’t be afraid if it doesn’t make any sense. Most likely it won’t, and those very few times when it does fit, that is cause for celebration and a request for a high-five. Also don’t be afraid to be as rude as possible. It’ll be a rude awakening to them and you will be doing them a favor by allowing them the opportunity to think, “Omg.. you’re right, my mother DOES need a job too..”
3. Gloat. This is a necessary pat-on-the-back for a job well done. I believe in self appreciation. If you can’t appreciate yourself, no one else will. One good self-appreciative comments is, “see what I did just there? Did you see that?” This also has the effect of communicating to other people, “notice how intelligent and awesome I am, you can be just as intelligent and awesome by joining me in giving tribute to mothers,” thus spreading the idea organically.
I dream of a future where every person will, in every moment of their lives, understand the true courage, power, self sacrifice, and generosity of mothers. That dream is only possible if every person will take up the cause, open their minds, their hearts, and their mouths and say “your mother.”
Your mother would thumbs-up this post by the way..