enlightened forgiveness

I know someone who I wouldn’t ever believe would have any friends. Why would anyone ever want to hang out with that person? He’s an egotistic, self-centered, unappreciative asshole. I can’t imagine him having any friends who know him beyond a superficial level.
No don’t worry, it’s not you.
But he probably does have friends. Maybe not deep close friends, cause he’s an asshole, but people who know him and who probably want to know him more and think to themselves “this person is someone who I’d like to know more about.”
Despite the objective reality, what is absolutely really true, which is that he is a waste of space, what is the difference in the way I perceive this person versus how this other person could perceive it. What are the consequences of this mentality?
When I think of this person, my chest feels constrictive. That’s one clear sign I know when I’m being stressed out. This is a physical reaction caused by my memories and my mind. This physical reaction, while useful in those instances when you have to out-run something that’s trying to kill you, in this situation has no real function. I can be at work, inside a brick building, with other non-lethal humans around me tapping away at their keyboards, while I’m going through the physical reactions of a prey being hunted by a killer animal in the jungles of Africa.
This isn’t healthy.
Then take for example the other person. They are not having this reaction.. at least, not about the same person that I am. Maybe it’s even more positive than a neutral reaction, god knows why cause he’s such a jerkface, and this person feels GOOD thinking about him. Despite this person’s obvious lack of what is true about him, they probably have yummy endorphin running through their veins.
I want that.
But I don’t want to lose my knowledge of ultimate reality, being that this person is such a douche, just to achieve a better feeling. Is there a way I can both retain knowledge of reality while not being emotionally and physically reactive to it?
I can. I can learn to forgive this leech on human society. I can try and understand why he’s such an idiot. I can move past his sad pathetic existence. And I can find peace for myself.
Peace, aahhh..
peace that one day he will be dead.


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