Sarcasm is the soul of wit

If you’re like me and you’ve read all my posts, then you know that I am a master of being witty. But any master doesn’t advertise the fact that they’re a master. That’s what makes them a master. And so I’m sure you’ve noticed that it’s hard to distinguish when I’m being serious and when I’m being sarcastic. You may have sometimes wondered: “is he serious?”
But I’m serious all the time, especially right now.
Let me use a couple metaphors that you should all be able to relate to so that you can better understand the difference between a master of wit, such as I, and the rest of humanity.
Imagine that you’re walking through a street in some city in China, where everyone practices Kung Fu. As you walk, you bump into a Chinese person with a top-knot, carrying a staff and wearing baggy pants. Instantly he jumps into a flying kick, screams out “TIGER PAW HUNTS WILD BUFFALO!” (in Chinese) and kicks you in the stomach.
That is an example of how any normal person would use sarcasm. Indiscriminately and blatantly obvious. Now here is an example of a master.
Again you’re walking down China, where everyone practices Kung Fu, and you happen to see an old man blocking your path on the road. You, as an American who feels that old people are useless and should be removed or at least ignored, continue walking as if the man wasn’t there. Before you know it, you wake up on the other side of the street, the sun about to set, feeling very refreshed as if you’ve just had the best sleep of your life. Two days later your heart disintegrates in your chest and you die.
That is how a master works.
And that is how I work. One day, you’ll wake up from your wonderful happy dream that you can only attribute to your sense of clarity and understanding from my soothing posts, to realize that I’ve just been sarcastic this entire time about everything.
…Or have I?

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