Impatient littering

I don’t have patience. I’ve always thought that I did, it was one of the things that I was very proud of. You know those studies with kids that are given the choice of having one cookie now or two cookies later if they wait, and the kids who wait had higher chances of success throughout their lives? I always thought that I would be one of those kids who waited.
But recently I’ve come to realize that I truly don’t have patience. I had the delusion of patience because my patience wasn’t ever really tested. Saying that just made me think of the phrase, “you’re testing my patience,” which is just another way of saying “you’re annoying the shit out of me.” But that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m not talking about being annoyed easily, although that does happen more and more often. But rather, I’m talking about giving up. I’m talking about not seeing things to completion. I’m talking about not finishing things.
As my life progresses, I see a trail of unfinished projects and attempts strewn about the road of my life. It litters my mind, pollutes my past with incomplete junk. Things that would be beautiful if completed, is even uglier since it’s been abandoned to rot in my mind. It would have been better for my reality if these things hadn’t been formed in the first place.
For every new thing that gets strewn aside, as I walk down the path of my life, I create the habit of littering. And it becomes easier and easier to drop things, push it out of my mind, then begin focusing on the next project I’m not going to complete.
Where would this lead me? It’ll lead me to my worst nightmare, mediocrity. A person who at the end of his life will look back and see nothing but incompleteness and regret.


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