Blind Faith as the Foundation of Relationships

Is trust something you earn or is it something given? I don’t know, I struggle with that myself. Maybe it depends on the circumstances. I wouldn’t hire someone to take care of my business if they haven’t first shown me some sort of proof of their trust. But I don’t think you can really start something like a relationship without first having some sort of initial trust.
There are so many things that you can’t tell about a person, even after years of knowing them. What exactly is going on in their heads? Do they really even like you or do they have some sort of agenda? Are they going to remain faithful? Are they going to like you once they see you with your hair all messed up and a giant booger hanging from your nose. Are they going to back you up when you’re angry at some asshole for cutting you off on the road? All those are important things that you need to have assurance of from the person that you’re basically handing your life to.
But unlike a job resume showing 3-5 years of good work experience and a referral from your previous employer, there’s no way to have proof of your qualifications as a good husband or wife. There’s no resume requested and it wouldn’t be such a good idea to try and get a referral from your Ex, usually.
There are a few simple (simple doesn’t mean easy) core foundations that any good relationship must be built upon. Two of which are:
-You must like the other person
-You must know that the other person likes you
The first is easy to figure out. You’re you, you can know yourself if you like someone or not, independent of why. It doesn’t matter why, there is NO RIGHT REASON TO LIKE SOMEONE. I don’t care if you like that person because they are an evil and disgusting human being that likes to kick puppies and kittens. Sure.. that should tell you a lot about yourself and the kind of person you are, but that’s who you are and it’s your right to like whoever you want.
It’s the second where all relationships start to break down. How can you be sure that the other person really likes you? And if you’re not 100 percent sure, then you are not going to have a 100 percent good relationship. The level of assuredness you feel is the level at which you will be happy in your relationship. Not being sure if the other person will stay through all your crap and mental and/or physical issues is not just a bad feeling, but it also impacts how you interpret what the other person does or says. You may, for example, perceive silence to be anger towards you instead of just an inability to find something to say at the moment.
Also, usually your insecurities is tied into this such that, if you don’t feel like you’re worthy of their attention, you’ll find “proof” that their attention is false and not sincere. What comes first? A feeling of self worth so you can believe that the other person does truly like you? Or trust that the other person does truly like you and so you gain a sense of self worth?
The combination of insecurities and distrust causes behavior that creates rift in a relationship which causes more insecurities and further distrust. This cycle goes on and on till you both feel so horribly shitty and it’s so difficult to interact with one another without conflict that the relationship falls apart and finally ends.
So what to do about it? How do you prevent it and how do you fix it if you’re already in this cycle?
I’m still trying to figure it out, but if I were to lay out all the pieces:
1. I need to somehow feel assured that the other person really wants to be with me
2. Assurance like that is impossible to provide proof for in this lifetime
3. My insecurities makes it difficult to feel assured, maybe even prevents it entirely
4. My insecurities comes from a distrust about my own worth as a human being
I come up with the following conclusions:
A. If there’s no way to ever get concrete proof, then “blind faith” is required and
B. I require the same “blind faith” about my own worthiness
It seems like the key to happiness is blind faith. Blind faith is assurance of an existence of something without any proof. I don’t know how to acquire such kind of faith, I don’t know what to do or where to go to get it.
But it does seem like, without it, I won’t be able to feel assured about myself and I won’t be able to feel assured about any one else. So now I’m in search of some blind faith.


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