Sloppy Second Urinal

There are countless blogs and mathematical analysis of best and worst case situations in choosing a urinal in a men’s bathroom. There are many humorous accounts of violating urinal etiquettes of not talking while urinating. But I haven’t heard very many things about something that bothers my soul, the sloppy second urinal.
The rule of thumb in Urinaliquettes is that you must place at least one urinal distance from the person next to you if possible. If not possible, choose the urinal next to the wall where you’ll have to share your residual urinating bubble with only one other person.
But in certain situations I face a complex decision and have fallen prey to a bad choice. Non-discriminately following the rule of one-urinal-distance sometimes has consequences if that urinal has just been vacated by someone else following the same rule. Without thinking I walk up to this just-flushed urinal only to realize that the smell, the warmth, the aura or spirit of the man still lingers in the place I am now standing. A cocktail of different emotions including shame, embarrassment, and guilt wash over me as I unzip my pants and withdraw my most intimate part in the same lingering space of another man. Not to mention that I can’t help thinking about how much microscopic water/urine globules are still misting up from the Niagara Falls of the urinal flush.
But maybe you reading this and not having experienced it will say, “Why not just wait dude?” But you don’t know the psychological ordeal I go through! How can I just stand there while the person who just used it is still in the bathroom washing his hands (hopefully), watching me from the corner of his eyes. I can just see the tortured thoughts in my fellow human being, his insecurities making him cry internally, “There’s nothing wrong with me! Please don’t detest me and my human functions! I am a person just like you!!” How can I rebuff his cry for acceptance by waiting there instead of using an obviously available urinal. He’ll know in his heart that the only reason I hesitated was because HE just used that urinal. I in turn want to cry out, “It’s not you my friend! It’s me! It’s me and MY insecurities. There’s nothing wrong with you brother!” But I dare not break urinaliquettes of expressing intimacy inside the bathroom area. So instead, for my fellow human being, I plunge into the available urinal knowing full well that I’ll regret it. I do this for you, whoever you are, out there somewhere.


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